


Monokubs Free Time Events Ft. Love Suite: Can Robot Bears Find Love?

by Yoshi_Ryouma



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Free Time Events, Gen, NDRV3 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-01-08 17:59:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 12,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12259305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yoshi_Ryouma/pseuds/Yoshi_Ryouma
Summary: A fanmade script to supposed Free Time Events that would happen if you could hang out with an individual Monokub. Will try to have all 5 events for each, and a Love Hotel event.Contains spoilers for various events in Danganronpa V3.





	1. Monokid - Event #1

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I am actually making these, as the only person on the internet that wants to write something solely about the Monokubs, probably.

**Monokid - Event #1**

   
Shuichi Saihara: (Why did I want to hang out with this thing, again? I think there are better choices than this.)

Monokid: So fuckboy over here wanted to take me out somewhere, huh? You wanna make puddles of blood with my Exisal? Play Monodam-darts?! All the classic type of erotic stuff, of course!

Shuichi: (He's like Miu if everything sexual turned into violence, and without any of the useful inventions...)

Monokid: HEY! Did you take me on a date just to ignore me?!

Shuichi: Hey, uh, Monokid...

Monokid: WHAT?!

Shuichi: Why do you carry that guitar around?

Monokid: 'Cause I can PLAY! OOOBVIOUSLY!

Shuichi: Really? You know any songs?

Monokid: I know all the classic guitar songs! Like uh...

That one anime opening where it all starts with the Guitar and it's like "DEEEER DOOOO DER DOOOO DOOO!"

Or the other anime opening and, uh, something other happens with guitars I'm sure...

And there's plenty of remixes of video game songs that use the guitar even when it doesn't fit with the song at all!

Shuichi: I... see.

Monokid: Oh, and most importantly I know that really good guitar track where they somehow play it at fucking inhuman speed like 'DURNURNURNURNURNURNURNURNURNURNURNURNURNUR

DURNURNURNURNURNURNURNURNURNURNURNUR

DANURNURNURNURNURNURNURNURNURNURNURNURNUR

DANURNURNURNURNURNURNUNANANANANNAN

I GO ON INTO MORNING, IN THE TIME BEFORE THE-

Shuichi: Okay, okay! I get what you mean. 

(I didn't think Monokid actually played the guitar he had...)

>Do you take requests?

>Any of the other Kubs play anything?

>Are you confident in your playing?

\---

>Do you take requests?

Shuichi: Excuse me for asking, but, are there anything I could request for you to play?

Monokid: Only if I feel like it! Which is fuckin' never! Shitty students don't know good guitar music if it was thrown at their face!

Shuichi: I'm not sure; what you described sounds like something teenagers would like...

Monokid: Well what have ya got then?! Show me what ya got, jabroni!

Shuichi: Uh... never mind. Most of the stuff I like doesn't have your kind of guitar playing.

Monokid: Pah, fine. I've been thinking up of a good Monodam diss-track anyhow!

\---

>Any of the other Kubs play anything?

Shuichi: Do any of the other Monokubs supposedly play any other instruments?

Monokid: Hey, waddya' mean "supposedly"?!

But unfortunately not! I'm the only Kub with actual talent in here! And better than all you chumps!

Shuichi: (At least those talents have actually been proven...)

Monokid: But I could totally see Monosuke with a cool sax or somethin'.

Or Monophanie with a tainty-ass harp, or Monotaro with some sorta... piano maybe?

Shuichi: (Please do not think of insulting a piano like that.)

Monokid: But Monodam wouldn't be able to do anything better than a fuckin' Triangle. HA!

\---

>Are you confident in your playing?

Shuichi: You... have a lot of confidence in your playing, huh?

Monokid: Of COURSE! Otherwise I wouldn't get a rock hard rager at my own hardcore tunes n' shit!

Shuichi: Then I hope to hear what you can do, I guess. 

Monokid: My motto is making slow guitar pieces actually good

Wait, I meant slow!

Wait, I meant SOLO! I'm gonna convince Monodam he made me make that mistake!

\---

Monokid: Whew, didn't think I'd talk to someone that wasn't another Kub for so long!

Shuichi: (I didn't I would talk to a Monokub like this at all...)

Er, Monokid?

Monokid: Wut?

Shuichi: I've kept hearing about how you bully this 'Monodam'. What for?

Monokid: Why the hell not?! He's a dumb robot that keeps going all 'EYE. WAN. TUU. GET. A. LAWN.' and shit like that.

Better that he shuts his stupid yap and knows his fuckin' place!

Shuichi: Do none of the other Kubs of yours seem to care?

Monokid: They don't tell me, so prob'ly not! I've been bullying Monodam since I was born!

Shuichi: Since you were... born?

Monokid: ...

Monokid: Well I gotta go! I'll bear with you later!

Shuichi: (And with that, he left in a flash.)

 

_You obtained a friendship fragment from hanging out with Monokid! Somehow..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is how I'd think present reactions would be for Monokid, with top being positive, bottom being negative.
> 
> "HOOOLY SHIIIIT! This is even better then abusing Monodam! I'm gonna love it for one day then throw it in the trash the next!  
> "This is probably the best fap material I've seen in a while! Didn't think you'd actually have good taste in this kinda thing!"  
> "Yeah this is good. It compliments me well enough. It gets that Monokid vibe adequately! It says me at just that right strength!"  
> "I see you thought were able to see what I liked by taking a look at me and nothing else! I'll accept it so you don't feel bad though."  
> "Hah, what's this?! This just makes me flaccid! Fuck off with this!"  
> "Oh, you gave me this so I could give it to Monodam! Uh, right?"


	2. Monosuke - Event #1

**Monosuke - Event #1**

 

Shuichi Saihara: (I don't understand the purpose of these Monokubs even being here. Especially with this one.)

Monosuke: Oh I see here.

Shuichi: H-huh?

Monosuke: You invitin' me here to hang out so you can look at me and think I'm this unimportant one in the glasses, right?

Shuichi: What?

(Oh, he's more perceptive than I thought...)

Monosuke: To which I say, haven't you heard o' the straight man, Mista Dective?!

Shuichi: Well, yeah, but...

Monosuke: Look, you know Manzais, right? 'Cause lemme tell ya, those are the shit.

Shuichi: I... see.

(I see he's just going to yap as much as he pleases.)

Monosuke: There's the Tsukommi and the Boke, yeh, which are the straight man and dumb one that's the suffering o' the jokes respectively.

You see with the Kubs, I'M the Tsukommi, everyone else is the Boke. It's part of what makes our great group dynamic, ya see?

Saihara: (Every one of you Kubs seem to be a 'Boke', only with you having an ego.)

Monosuke: Oh I see what you're doin', with that thousand-yard-stare. You think I'm just an idiot like all the rest don'cha?

Saihara: What?

Monosuke: Hah, right on the money! Look buddy, I'm basically a reincarnation of the great Beat Takeshi here! I'll have the best Manzai duo this academy has ever known!

Saihara: (I won't let you have it be with me, that's for sure.)

Monosuke: I'll have my gameshow where it's stupidly hard to win and you don't even get that much money if ya do...

I'll make some cult classic movies that are absolutely depressin'...

And make one of the worst video games of all time starring me, made from the fact that I hate modern technology!

Shuichi: (I think I've heard of the one Monosuke's yapping about...)

>That show was pretty brutal...

>I think he directed one of my favourite films.

>That game was unique for its time, though.

\---

>That show was pretty brutal...

Shuichi: I remember that being a pretty difficult gameshow, from the little I remember catching.

Monosuke: And that's why it's the best! It was aired plenty on British television, too!

I can't understand what the hell the announcer for that version says, but I can tell he was born to do that. Practically 'is only callin'.

Shuichi: Was it known that much in Britain?

Monosuke: I can only bet it was a childhood favourite from them tea-drinking bongs!

\---

>I think he directed one of my favourite films.

Shuichi: I think one of those movies are one of my favourites, actually.

Monosuke: Monokid enjoys 'em, though mainly for whatever violence it may have. I've also been encouraging pops to reference one of them in a Monokuma Theatre.

Shuichi: 'Monokuma Theatre'?

Monosuke: Uh... nevah mind. So you into Yakuza stuff?

Shuichi: I suppose so, yeah.

Monosuke: Huh, respectable! 

\---

>That game was unique for its time, though.

Shuichi: That game's pretty funny. I've seen stuff on it, and no game was really like it at the time.

Monosuke: It was like one o' them life sims or Grand Theft Atto where it looks like you do what ya want,

though it reality you do a bunch of convoluted bullshit to win. My favourite would be shouting at losing at Pachinko.

Shuichi: I've heard parts of the game was based off a bunch of drunken ramblings, in fact.

Monosuke: It wouldn't surprise me!

\---

Monosuke: Well look at you, Mista Dective! You actually have taste! Didn't think someone as blandy as that cosplayah' would be that!

Shuichi: I wouldn't call it the most obscure.

Monosuke: Hey, since when'd I say it HAD to be obscure? You think I'm that uptight about them stuff?

Shuichi: (Yes.)

Monosuke: ...

Eh, fair enough.

Shuichi: Agh!

(Is a robot bear really that perceptive?)

 

_You obtained a friendship fragment from hanging out with Monosuke! Somehow..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The choices are references to Takeshi's Castle, a couple of the films Takeshi Kitano directed, and Takeshi's Challenge respectively.  
> I knew Monosuke was based off the whole Manzai dynamic (they can't really stop to explain how Manzais work in the localisation so they just have him be the self-called 'smart one') and Takeshi was in a known Manzai duo, so, yeah.
> 
> And I suppose I have also decided that Shuichi would be into at least one Yakuza film.
> 
> Also some present reactions:
> 
> "Heyyy, you made a Jets-tier high-quality play, here! Or was it Tigers being the sports team I liked? E-Er, don't tell anyone I just had a Monotaro-tier moment. Just between us."  
> "I see you're somewhat almost as smart as me. Not bad!"  
> "Not bad, jabroni. You do have that 'only somewhat bad at present-giving' face on ya."  
> "Meh. That's a good saying. It says a lot with not much, right? But hey, free gifts are free gifts."  
> "Did you bring me this so I could riff on it? I don't even think it's good enough for that."  
> "Do you not know my character at this point? YOU'RE the one that's the victim of jokes, NOT ME! Buzz off!"


	3. Monodam - Event #1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi learns what it means to be friends.

**Monodam - Event #1**

 

Shuichi Saihara: (Out of all the Monokubs, this one seems the most tolerable, though that's because he doesn't talk that much.)

Monodam: ...

Shuichi: (Maybe I could get him on my side? He doesn't seem to like the other Monokubs that much either.)

Monodam: ...

Shuichi: Uh, Monodam? You want to talk?

Monodam: ...

Shuichi: ...

Monodam: ...

Shuichi: (What did he talk about the last time he spoke? About all being friends or something?)

Shuichi: Monodam... do you want to be friends with me?

Monodam: !

YOU-WANT-TO-BE-FRIENDS?

Shuichi: Um, yes. I would. If you'd like that, I guess.

Monodam: YES.

I-WOULD-LIKE-THAT-VERY-MUCH. THANK-YOU.

I-HOPE-WE-CAN-GET-ALONG.

Shuichi: (That's another thing I've heard him say a lot. He's pretty... persistent about it.)

What exactly do you mean by 'get along'? It's going to lose meaning at some point.

Monodam: TO-GET-ALONG-IS-TO-GET-ALONG. TO-APPRECIATE-EACHOTHER-AND-BE-NICE.

Shuichi: I see...

Monodam: I-ASSUME-THERE-ARE-STUDENTS-THAT-ARE-A-PROBLEM-FOR-YOU-SHUICHI?

Shuichi: Agh!

Monodam: THERE-IS-A-PROBLEM?

Shuichi: Well, I was more surprised at a Monokuma robot calling me by name for once.

(Though, I suppose some of my classmates get on my nerves a little...)

>Tenko's 'Degenerate Male' shtick is getting old really fast.

>I wish Miu wouldn't make things so inappropriate!

>Kokichi just makes things harder for everyone.

\---

>Tenko's 'Degenerate Male' shtick is getting old really fast.

Shuichi: (I looked around the room to check for any Tenkos in the area before speaking.)

I... suppose I wouldn't mind Tenko to calm down and not be so hard on me for what feels like nothing.

Monodam: I-CANNOT-FORGIVE-ONE-WITH-SUCH-PREJUDICE.

FEMALES-CAN-BE-JUST-AS-MUCH-OF-A-GROSS-DEGENERATE-AS-A-MALE.

I-KNOW-THIS-FROM-MONOPHANIE-GREATLY.

MALES-MATTER-TOO-ALSO. WE-MUST-LIVE-IN-A-WORLD-WHERE-ALL-GENDERS-ARE-EQUAL-AND-LOVED. ROBOTS-TOO.

ANIME-WHERE-MALES-ARE-BEATEN-UP-FOR-NO-GOOD-REASONS-ARE-GARBAGE. THEY-SHOULD-BE-ERADICATED.

Shuichi: (I didn't think Monodam would have such high opinions on this kind of thing...)

\---

>I wish Miu wouldn't make things so inappropriate!

Shuichi: To be honest, I do wish Miu wouldn't make things so... inappropriate sometimes.

Monodam: I-SEE-SHE-IS-A-VICTIM-OF-OUR-SEX-DEPRAVED-SOCIETY.

Shuichi: (Wait what? What part of me suggested that?)

Monodam: WE-AS-A-NATION-ARE-TOO-AFRAID-TO-TALK-ABOUT-SEX.

THE-INVENTOR-IS-CLEARLY-AFRAID-TO-OPEN-UP-TO-HERSELF...

AND-ACCEPT-THAT-HER-NEW-DESIRES-ARE-PART-OF-BEING-A-GROWING-TEENAGER.

Shuichi: Are you saying the rest of us are secretly like that?!

Shuichi: (I didn't think Monodam would try to make Japanese social commentary...)

\---

>Kokichi just makes things harder for everyone.

Shuichi: Well, Kokichi is just really hard to deal with all the time. I wish I could just understand him.

Monodam: HE-THINKS-HE'S-FUNNY.

HE-THINKS-THAT-DEFILING-OVER-AUTHORITY-MEANS-HE-CAN-DO-WHATEVER-HE-WANTS.

BUT-HE-WILL-LEARN-THAT-A-CUTE-BOY-LIKE-HIM-JUST-NEEDS-LOVE.

Shuichi: Cute!? What are you talking about?

I-WILL-HUG-HIM-AND-HE-WILL-LIKE-IT.

HE-IS-A-PRECIOUS-BEAN-I-WILL-PROTECT.

AFTER-HE-LEARNS-HIS-LESSONS.

Shuichi: (I didn't think Monodam would paint Kokichi is *this* kind of light, of all lights...)

\---

Monodam: WE-MUST-PUNISH-THIS-JUVENILE.

Shuichi: P-Punish?! Wait, don't execute them!

Monodam: I-DO-NOT-HAVE-FATHER'S-POWER. I-CANNOT-EXECUTE.

I'M-MORE-OF-A-'BEAT-THE-SNOT-OUT-OF-THEM'-TYPE-OF-BEAR.

AS-IN-LITERALLY-BEAT-THEM-UP-SO-MUCH-THEIR-SNOT-COMES-OUT.

Shuichi: W-What?! Don't do that! And that's gross!

Monodam: EVEN-IF-YOU-WANT-PEOPLE-TO-BE-YOUR-FRIENDS...

THEY-NEED-TO-BE-PUNISHED.

Shuichi: I'm... sure there's a better way of dealing with that.

Monodam: WILL-YOU-HELP-ME-FIND-OUT-HOW-SOMEDAY-SHUICHI?

I'M-NOT-GOOD-AT-GIVING-PEOPLE-LIFE-LESSONS. I-WANT-TO-LEARN.

Shuichi: Um, sure. I guess I can.

Monodam: THANK-YOU-SHUICHI. YOU-ARE-MY-BEST-FRIEND.

Shuichi: A-Already?!

Monodam: HANG-OUT-WITH-ME-ANOTHER-TIME.

YOU-WILL-NOT-BE-FORGIVEN-IF-YOU-DO-NOT.

BEAR-WELL.

Shuichi: (He disappeared quickly, despite his newfound attachment to me.)

(I see dealing with him will be harder than I thought...)

 

_You obtained a Friendship Fragment from hanging out with Monodam! Somehow..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I was the type to write with honorifics instead of the way the localisation does it, I'd probably have Monodam call Saihara 'SHUICHI-CHAN' immediately, though I don't remember Monodam using honorifics on his fellow Kubs.
> 
> And Dam(n), I actually see people commenting on this to compliment it. Nice.
> 
> Also present reactions:  
> "WONDERFUL. YOU-ARE-TRULY-CONSIDERATE-AND-WHOLESOME. A-VERY-PRECIOUS-BOY-THAT-NEEDS-TO-BE-PROTECTED-IS-YOU."  
> "A-NICE-PRESENT. THANK-YOU. I-WOULD-GIVE-A-THUMBS-UP-IF-I-HAD-THUMBS."  
> "I-GIVE-THIS-GIFT-GIVING-A-'C'-GRADE. KEEP-TRYING-AND-YOU-WILL-IMPROVE."  
> "I-SUPPOSE-I-SHOULD-APPRECIATE-THAT-I'M-GETTING-FREE-USELESS-OBJECTS-IN-THE-FIRST-PLACE. THANKS."  
> "...  
> ...  
> ..."  
> "I-SEE-THAT-YOU-ARE-ACTUALLY-A-BULLY-IN-DISGUISE. I-WILL-NOT-FORGIVE-YOU-FOR-THIS-INSOLENCE. PREPARE-FOR-PUNISHMENT."


	4. Monophanie - Event #1

**Monophanie - Event #1**

 

Shuichi Saihara: (Out of all of the Monokubs, she seems to be nice enough.)

(I'm not sure what exactly to talk with her about though.)

Monophanie: All the Monokubs are so mean, aren't they?

Shuichi: (I would think that as an understatement.)

Monophanie: Hey! Look at me what I'm talking to you, you bastard!

Shuichi: Uh, sorry...

Monophanie: It's good that I'm here to make sure the meanness is not-as-there, and that there's no blood or gore!

Shuichi: (I'm pretty sure you've failed at both of these things...)

Monophanie: What about you, No-hat-bastard? What role do you have in your group?

Shuichi: Role? What do you mean?

Monophanie: Everyone has their own role in a group, whether they like it or not. Haven't you seen the 'Five Man Band' trope?

Shuichi: No, unfortunately I haven't...

Monophanie: I know you have your own role!

Whether it's the leader that directs everyone and makes sure everything goes right,

The emotional support like yours truly, that makes everyone smile with their own adorable smile,

Or that the useless one that's there to be a butt of a joke!

Shuichi: (Does being in a group of friends really boil down to something that simple?)

>Though I could say I'm the leader...

>Am I really 'cute'?

>Do people make fun of me that often?

\---

>Though I could say I'm the leader...

Shuichi: Do you see me as the 'leader' type? I doubt I could live up what was before me.

Monophanie: Oh, you mean...

Ah, I'm so sorry for making you think like that! Now the thought of her is gonna make me...

BLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLLRLRLRLRLRURP!

Shuichi: Ugh, never mind...

\---

>Am I really 'cute'?

Shuichi: Did you imply I'm... 'cute'?

Monophanie: Nobody thinks you aren't! Your eyes are pure and adorable! You were designed to be cute!

Shuichi: (I'm blushing too much at a robot bear's compliments...)

Wait, designed? What?

Monophanie: You heard me! You were adorable from the day you were born, you bastard!

Shuichi: I don't know what to say...

\---

>Do people make fun of me that often?

Shuichi: What, am I ridiculed that much?

Monophanie: Wait, I didn't want you to think you were ridiculed...

Even if you are by people behind your back...

Shuichi: Huh? Who?

(Though if it's true, I can probably already think of who.)

Monophanie: N-Nothing! I don't want you to fight with people like that!

It's bad for you, and bad for me!

Shuichi: (How is it bad for you?!)

\---

Monophanie: See? Everyone has something special to offer!

Shuichi: (That was the lesson I was supposed to be told here?)

I see then. Do you... enjoy being the cute emotional support?

Monophanie: It's all in the day of a Monophanie's work! You deserve your position!

Shuichi: (My position of being trapped in here?)

Monophanie: Aw, don't be so down. It's not my fault! If it was, I wouldn't forgive myself!

Shuichi: Huh? Who's fault is it then?

Monophanie: Daddy, of course! I love him with every lick I give him, but...

He causes so much gore! Oh, it's painful to bear!

And he doesn't listen to me, or anyone or my beautiful brothers!

Shuichi: Beautiful?

Monophanie: I-It's a sibling compliment!

 

_You obtained a Friendship Fragment from hanging out with Monophanie! Somehow..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Monophanie's personality revolves around the stupid(er) kubs around her, so I had to think a bit more about how her events would go, and I did that by sorta recycling an idea I've already done, already (with a Kub discussing their roles in the group). Oh well, I'm sure the next ones with her will be better when I get to it.
> 
> Present reactions:  
> "Wow! This is really nice of you! This is a better sign of good luck than my sparkly puke!"  
> "Ah, a sign of peace you've given to me! It's even more beautiful than Monotaro's sexy scarf!"  
> "Oh, how pretty! I could wear this, probably!"  
> "Neato! I'll give this to Monotaro! He's impressed with any old piece of junk after all!  
> "Amazing, that's as pretty as Monokid! That means I don't it want, you bastard!"  
> "...  
> .BLRP-!  
> BLRLRLRLRLRLRLRLLRLRLRLRLRLRLURP!"


	5. Monotaro - Event #1

**Monotaro - Event #1**

Monotaro: So, you've come to take the lovely leader of the Monokubs on a date, huh? 

You better impress me, or you're not gonna hear the end of it!

Shuichi Saihara: H-Hey, what are you talking about?

(I remember hearing this supposed leader is forgetful, but, this is ridiculous.)

I just wanted to hang out with you. I don't have much to do right now.

(Maybe I could get some information out of him, with how scatterbrained he seems to be?)

Monotaro: Now, son, you need to remember your 'no no no's, as taught by your lovely pinwheel mommy!

Shuichi: (Pinwheel mommy?! The lack of injuries on him say she hasn't been told anything like that yet, thankfully.)

Monotaro: Now, I'm a leader, right?

Shuichi: Er, yes?

Monotaro: Now what does being a leader mean to you, Sushi?

Shuichi: It's Shuichi! And how would I know?

Monotaro: Well I donno either, I just am. I think I'm just the leader 'cause I sit in the middle of the announcing sofa.

Shuichi: (I never saw you as much else.)

Monotaro: Anyway, what am I again?

Shuichi: What?! You forgot already, again? You're absurd!

Monotaro: I am? What else?

Shuichi: Uhh...

>You're an ultimate student trying to help us get out of here!

>You're going to tell us everything about this killing game!

>You're a useless robot that can't do anything!

\---

>You're an ultimate student trying to help us get out of here!

Shuichi: Hey, don't you remember? You're an ultimate student, like us!

Monotaro: Wow, nice! What talent do I have?

Shuichi: The, uh, Ultimate Ninja, of course. It's all shown with your shurikens.

Monotaro: Aw, but I don't wanna be a ninja, mommy!

Shuichi: P-Please do not call me that ever again!

Monotaro: Why couldn't I be a samurai, that would've been way cooler!

People were always like 'Oh I gotta protect my shit from criminals! I gotta hire a...

a... what was I talking about?

Shuichi: Forget it.

Monotaro: Oh okay, that's easy!

\---

>You're going to tell us everything about this killing game!

Shuichi: You came to me so you could tell me all about this killing game.

Monotaro: Really? What are my motivations?

Shuichi: You... betrayed the Monokubs and are now with us, knowing the killing game isn't right?

Monotaro: Wow, I'm a really three dimensional character!

Shuichi: (Even if you were a character, I'm not sure how what we said connects...)

Monotaro: But I don't know what to tell you! They already erased my memory from being to old to be in the Kubs next door.

Shuichi: Ugh, never mind.

Monotaro: Okey-dokey!

\---

>You're a useless robot that can't do anything!

Shuichi: Just admit it, you're kind of useless. You can't do more than any of the other monokubs.

Monotaro: Yeah, I am kind of useless! I can't do more than any of the other monokubs.

Really, I should just kill myself now.

Shuichi: Wait, wait! Don't be so drastic!

Monotaro: Okay! What should I do then? Hang? Gunshot to head?

Poison while sitting happily on a sofa before I died before getting hit by a bottle? Twice?

Shuichi: (T-That's still the same thing!)

Just forget I said anything, okay?

Monotaro: Okay!

\---

Shuichi: (Well, that was a useless attempt.)

Monotaro: So, anyway, being in the middle of a seat is tough! I gotta stomach the odor of everyone else surrounding me!

Shuichi: You're a robot. Why would you have odor?

Monotaro: What's odor? Anyway, why do we have drinks when making announcements? We can't drink! I don't even know what's in them!

Hey, you want one of them?

Shuichi: I'm... good, thanks.

 

_You obtained a friendship fragment from hanging out with Monotaro! Somehow..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Monotaro's basically a giant excuse for non-sequitur, based off how forgetful he is. Not that he isn't funny. I love how in chapter 2 he just says 'my asshole' so casually.
> 
> Present Reactions:  
> "Wowee, look at that random piece of junk! I mean, uh, high-quality piece of junk! I'll shove it up my ass for safekeeping."  
> "Shiny!  
> ...  
> What? That's all I can say."  
> "Aw jeez, that's a neat thing! I'll put it on the shelf. The MONOSHELF! Now what is it?"  
> "...Well, I feel like it's cool to somebody here. Hope it's something I can drink from."  
> "What?! This is something you only give to a big ol' Jabroni. I have no idea what it means but it probably doesn't describe me!  
> "Eh? What's this useless piece of garbage? If there's one thing I remember, it's that I reject crappy gifts from bastards like you and call you a bastard.  
> So, yeah, I reject it, bastard!"


	6. Monokid - Event #2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monokid learns a little in being nice.

**Monokid - Event #2**

Shuichi Saihara: (I didn't think Monokid would actually have have interests like music, despite his looks.)

(That's the only reason I can think of for wanting to hang out with him again.)

(Agh, what am I doing...? Am I that unconfident I have to keep justifying the situation in my own head?)

Monokid: So fuckboy comes crawling back to me, does he?

HELL YEAH! I missed ya, man!

Shuichi: Wait, really? You... missed me?

Monokid: Dude, do you know how NICE it is to talk with someone that isn't a braindead Kub?

I can have erections and none of you bastard humans even notice!

Shuichi: (I'm heavily thankful for that, I think.)

So... are there other things you like to do?

Monokid: Apart from piloting the exisals, bullying Mondam and rockin' you mean?

Shuichi: Uh, yeah. I wanted to know if you had more interests.

Monokid: Well... don't tell anyone this but...

Monokid: I LOVE ME SOME KITTY KATS! I'VE ADOPTED AT LEAST 14 STRAY ONES FROM THE STREET!

Shuichi: R-Really?!

(I didn't think he'd have a soft spot for... cats of all things.)

Have you tried talking to Ryoma? I know he enjoys cats too. 

Monokid: Ryoma?! HELL NO! I'd never be able to talk to him!

Shuichi: Huh? Why not?

(I haven't seen Monokid seem so afraid before.)

Monokid: Have you SEEN him?! If I tried to actually TALK to him I'd get fucking killed instantly!

Shuichi: No! It's more that he probably wouldn't want to talk to you - nothing that extreme!

He's not the type to just throw iron balls at everything, even if he had them!

Monokid: I'm still nervous! A guy who actually took care of cats instead of killing the ones he owns?!

Shuichi: Wait, what was that last part?

Shuichi: (But, seeing Monokid talk to Ryoma of all people could be interesting...)

>Convince him that you're knowledgeable about cats as well as like them.

>You'd think he'd like any of the music you like?  


>I don't think you should talk about anything violent around him...

\---

>Convince him that you're knowledgeable about cats as well as like them.

Shuichi: Do you have any good knowledge about cats? 

I'm not sure if Ryoma would care about what you're saying that much if you just said you liked them.

Monokid: AGH, he's the type to actually know about cats?! Is he secretly a dog onwer?!

Shuichi: (I don't know much about the types of pet owners to get what he means by that...)

Do you not even know the basics of raising one?

Monokid: Well, EXCUSE ME, of course I do! Like, uh...

Make it go on life-or-death obstacles courses? Train it to pilot exisals? Give it milk?

Shuichi: I'm not that knowledgeable on this but...

I think those are all bad ideas most of the time.

Monokid: FUCK!

\---

>You'd think he'd like any of the music you like?

Shuichi: I've never really known what music Ryoma would like. Would he relate to what you're into?

Monokid: Uhh...

I thought he'd be one of those slow-as-fuck environmental jazz guys.

Or somethin' that's really fuckin' edgy and depressing. 

Shuichi: You never really know someone's music tastes 'till you ask, I would think.

Monokid: Unless they're the type of asshole that go all "Oh yeah I'm into a variety o' shit!"

When it reality they're too embarrassed to admit they're into shitty pop, or Nintendo soundtracks!

Shuichi: Again, I doubt he's really gonna be any of those until you ask.

\---

>I don't think you should talk about anything violent around him...

Shuichi: Oh yeah, if you're gonna talk to him...

I recommend leaving violence and such away. I doubt he'd want to talk about killing if you're gonna get along with him.

Monokid: AGH, don't push my 'get along' buttons! If you do I'm gonna bully you!

Shuichi: Okay, okay! But, you know what I mean, right?

Mentioning murder is just gonna make him want to drive you away even quicker than he normally would.

Monokid: AGH, too much pressure!

Shuichi: (He's so into gore he's shaking hard at the thought of not mentioning it...)

\---

Monokid: I can't do it! This is like trying to get into the more obscure anime when you're only on the stage of watching gateway shows!

Shuichi: (Monokubs are pretty good at thinking of similes I struggle to understand most of the time, thinking about it.)

Well, you can try another time.

Monokid: Maybe I will! And then you'll rue the day ya thought the stuffed animal WOULDN'T TALK NICELY TO MORE THAN ONE HUMAN!

BEAR WELL, FUCKERRRRRRRRRR!

Shuichi: (As soon as he feels he's lost, he bolts. This is going to take a while.)

(But, I'm actually able to say with confidence that I understand Monokid more.)

 

_You obtained a Friendship Fragment from somehow getting closer to Monokid!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An FTE based off a single line said by Monotaro after Monokid died.  
> And on a side note these FTEs are now into the 'wouldn't really make sense if they were in the game' realm, as it talks about something you'd have to know about events with another character to understand. But, Monokid having a soft spot for stray cats intrigued me, and I wanted to see if the two blue shorties could relate somehow.


	7. Monosuke - Event #2

**Monosuke - Event #2**

 

Shuichi Saihara: (I might as well try to connect with Monosuke again, as I was able to establish something that somewhat resembles a bond.)

Monosuke: So, Mista Dective, waddya wanna do today?

Shuichi: I'm... not sure. Do you have anything in mid?

Monosuke: Well Dective, you wanna talk about the best ways of havin' a shit-ton of money?

Shuichi: Uh, what does that entail?

Monosuke: Well, boy, money is what makes the motherfuckin' world go round, ya see?

Shuichi: (Unless you're in here, where money literally has no value...)

Monosuke: Hey, stupid! I see you thinkin' you don't need big bux!

Shuichi: (Do I make a certain face when I make comments in my mind?)

Well, no, I wouldn't think money to be the root of everything.

Monosuke: Now that's where ya wrong, stupid!

Shuichi: Ow!

(He slapped my left leg!)

(Is he trying to pull some sort of tsukkomi act?)

Monosuke, are you just toying around with me?

Monosuke: What are you on about now, bozo? 

I'm trying to educate ya about currency right now! You can't interrupt.

Now we have to start over! Now, you wanna talk about the best ways of havin' a shit-ton of money?

Shuichi: Ugh...

(If I'm forced to try again, I better think of something.)

>Well jee I donno! Money is only good for food and manga.

>I would think my grandfather's business needs its money.

>So you can feel good about yourself?

\---

>Well jee I donno! Money is only good for food and manga.

Shuichi: (I guess I should just cooperate.)

Well, I wouldn't know! What ARE the benefits, Mister Monosuke?

I only know money for potato chips and mediocre girls' manga!

Monosuke: Stupid, you don't know anythin'!

Shuichi: (He slapped my leg again. I'm not sure if this one's part of the act.)

Monosuke: For being Mista Dective over here you're like one of them shitty harem protags that look too much at the fanservice panels!

You can't just get quality shots o' girls from cheap mangaka like that! You gotta have taste!

And to get the good stuff, you gotta have some good ol' fashioned cash in ya bag!

\---

>I would think my grandfather's business needs its money.

Shuichi: Well, I would think businesses like my grandfather's would need some money to function properly.

Monosuke: Oh you're that type, are ye?!

How much of a petty humble-ass can ya be?!

Shuichi: (Ow. He slapped my leg again.)

Monosuke: Only dumbasses think they're not gonna embrace profits!

Even if it's not vital there's nothin' wrong with pleasurin' yourself a little.

Anyone who thinks otherwise is just some elite moron, like you!

Shuichi: I-I didn't mean it like that!

\---

>So you can feel good about yourself?

Shuichi: So you can wallow in your materials and feel good about your superiority?

Monosuke: Hey, who da FUCK said you could be so overconfident?!

Shuichi: (He slapped my leg again, pretty angry at me trying to go against him.)

Monosuke: Even if you pretty much right about all of that, you think I don't spend that shit?!

Who d'ya think I am? I'm a bear, not a rusty crab! 

Now I spend that shit on thing like this, uh, abacus here! I'm not sure why I have it though.

And this here glasses! That I'm pretty sure I was born with since I'm a robot designed to have these.

And pretty sure this money is just here as a makeshift fan that won't even work for me since I'm a robot. Huh.

\---

Shuichi: Can we stop this act now? 

You're really not as smart as you think with this whole thing.

Monosuke: Wh- act?! Damnit, now I'm lookin' like the dumb one 'ere!

...

Okay, good, you're not slappin' me back. That would've just made me scared shitless.

Shuichi: Why the heck would I ever slap you?!

Monosuke: Okay, okay, I'll stop tryin' to make an act out of ya.

It's probably good to have someone you could less call a 'boke'...

and maybe somethin' like 'old chum', someday. Get what I mean, Mista Dective?

Shuichi: I... might, actually.

Monosuke: Though can I practice with you anyway? 

Maybe we can do it to a rhythm to make it tolerable for ya, and the slaps from me would come in a beat!

Shuichi: I'd rather not.

(Something tells me I might actually be able to understand Monosuke, and how he thinks...)

(Though that probably would take a good amount of effort.)

 

_You obtained a Friendship Fragment from somehow getting closer to Monosuke!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this event reminded me of that Manzai-themed Japan-only rhythm heaven endless game. I still think they could've localised it and made tolerable English voices.


	8. Monodam - Event #2

**Monodam - Event #2**

 

Monodam: SHUICHI. I-AM-VERY-GLAD-TO-SEE-YOU-AGAIN-BEST-FRIEND.

Shuichi: N-No problem, Monodam. You're not bad to be around.

(Though the way he's getting so attached is kind of weirding me out...)

Monodam: I-DO-NOT-EVEN-BE-NEEDED-TO-BE-TAUGHT-HOW-TO-COMMUNICATE-WITH-OTHERS-IF-I-HAVE-YOU.

Shuichi: Then, what would you want to do Monodam? What do you... do for fun?

Monodam: AH.

...

THIS-TOOK-ME-TO-A-TIME-WHEN-I-FIRST-DISCOVERED-FUN. HAPPY-MEMORIES.

IT-ALL-STARTED-IN-MY-PAST-LIFE-WHERE-I-WAS-A-FISH.

Shuichi: P-Past life as a fish?!

Monodam: ...

Shuichi: You can continue!

(He looked really angry that he was interrupted of his story.)

Monodam: I-LIVED-IN-A-POND. SOMEHOW-A-PLANKTON-WAS-THERE.

EVEN-THOUGH-YOU-SHOULDN'T-SEE-A-PLANKTON-IN-SOMETHING-AS-SMALL-AS-A-POND.

HE-THEN-TAUGHT-ME-ABOUT-WHAT-FUN-MEANT.

IT-WAS-IN-THE-FORM-OF-A-WHOLESOME-AND-CATCHY-WAY-IN-THE-FORM-OF-A-SONG.

I-STILL-REMEMBER-IT-TO-THIS-DAY.

Shuichi: I'm... glad you were told in such a way.

Monodam: FUN-IS-TO-DO-THINGS-TOGETHER.

TO-ALWAYS-INCLUDE-YOU-AND-MYSELF-IN-THE-FUN.

AND-TO-HAVE-IT-ANYWHERE-AT-ANYTIME-AT-ALL-DOWN-IN-THE-DEEP-BLUE-SEA.

Shuichi: Deep sea? I thought you were in a pond.

Monodam: THE-PLANKTON-MUST-HAVE-BEEN-CONFUSED.

BUT-ANYWAY-WE-MONOKUBS-DO-MANY-FUN-THINGS-WHEN-YOU-ARE-NOT.

FOR-EXAMPLE-WE-LISTEN-TO-FOREIGN-MUSIC-AND-LAUGH-AT-LYRICS-WHICH-SOUND-PERVERTED.

IT-GETS-ME-AND-THE-MONOKUBS-RILED-UP-EVERYTIME.

I-AM-NOW-BEING-REMINDED-OF-A-GOOD-EXAMPLE-OF-THIS.

HA. HA. HA.

Shuichi: Oh, can you... tell me it?

Monodam: IT-IS-USELESS-TO-RECALL-UNLESS-YOU-WERE-THERE.

Shuichi: Well, okay, what else?

Mondam: I-ALSO-LIKE-TO-WEAR-PAJAMAS-ALL-DAY-SOMETIMES, LOUNGE-IN-AIR-CONDITIONED-ROOMS...

Shuichi: (I've never seen you wear clothes, and I didn't think air would affect you that much.)

Monodam: AND-THEN-SOMETIMES-STEAL-THINGS-OTHER-THE-PRESSURE-OF-OTHERS.

BUT-YOU-WOULDN'T-MAKE-ME-STEAL, WOULD-YOU-SHUICHI?

Shuichi: What? No, why would I?

Monodam: GOOD. I-WOULDN'T-WANT-PUNISHMENT.

NOW, IS-THERE-ANYTHING-YOU-WANT-TO-DO-FOR-FUN-SHUICHI?

>Do any of the Ultimate Labs interest you?

>Do you care about the casino at all?

>Want to watch something in the AV room?

\---

>Do any of the Ultimate Labs interest you?

Shuichi: Well, do you like any of the Ultimate Labs that we've opened up?

Monodam: THE-INVENTOR-ONE-LOOKS-GOOD, BUT-I-DO-NOT-WANT-TO-BE-BULLIED.

IN-THE-FORM-OF-SEXUAL-HARASSMENT.

THE-AKIDO-ONE-IS-INTERESTING, BUT-I-WILL-BE-PUNISHED-BY-THE-OWNER-VIA-COOL-SUPLEX.

...

Shuichi: Maybe the Magician's room would be fun? I doubt Himiko would mind too much if I came with you.

Monodam: ...

THAT-SOUNDS-NICE. FINDING-OUT-THE-WORKS-OF-A-MAGE-WOULD-BE-NICE.

TO-BE-IN-THE-HOUSE-OF-SUCH-WONDER-WOULD-PRODUCE-EXHILARATION!

\---

>Do you care about the casino at all?

Shuichi: Well, the casino is always there. You wanna have a go at some of the games there.

Monodam: YES. THAT-SOUNDS-QUITE-FUN.

MY-FAVOURITE-GAME-IS-OUTLAW-RUN.

I-LIKE-TO-IMAGINE-THE-PEOPLE-I-RUN-OVER-AS-BULLIES.

THEY-NEVER-SEE-IT-COMING-AS-MY-CAR-IS-TOO-FAST-FOR-EYES.

THEY-ARE-DONE-IN-AS-IT-IS-THEIR-LAST-SURPRISE.

THE-LAST-SURPRISE-BEING-THAT-THEY-GOT-RUN-OVER-BY-MY-PIMPING-CAR.

I-WILL-SHOW-NO-MERCY-TO-THEM!

Shuichi: Good to hear you're into the arcade games...

\---

>Want to watch something in the AV room?

Shuichi: Do you think the AV room has anything you'd like to watch?

Monodam: YES. 

I-THINK-THEY-HAVE-A-JAPANESE-VERSION-OF-'BEE-MOVIE'-IN-THERE.

Shuichi: Er, sorry, I haven't heard of that one.

Monodam: IT-IS-A-VERY-INSPIRATIONAL-WESTERN-ANIMATED-FILM.

A-WOMAN-DUMPS-HIS-BOYFRIEND-FOR-A-BEE...

THAT-BEE-SUES-THE-HUMAN-RACE-FOR-STEALING-THEIR-HONEY-AND-WINS.

IT-IS-A-VERY-INPIRATIONAL-TALE. IT-SAYS-HOW-THE-VOICE-OF-YOUR-RACE-CAN-BE-HEARD.

JUST-MAKE-SURE-YOU-DON'T-CAUSE-FLOWERS-TO-ALMOST-DIE, COMPLETELY-DESTROYING-MUCH-OF-NATURE.

Shuichi: (That sounds even more absurd than the situation I'm in...)

I'm glad you enjoy the film, I suppose.

\---

Monodam: THEN-WE-WILL-DO-THIS-MOMENTARILY.

Shuichi: (I didn't think I'd be doing such a casual activity with a Monokub, but here I am.)

Yeah, let's go. 

Monodam: SHUICHI.

GET-READY-FOR-THE-RIDE.

WE-ARE-GOING-TO-HAVE-FUN.

IT-IS-GOING-TO-BE-A-BLAST!

Shuichi: H-Hey, not so tight!

(He somehow grabbed my arm tightly, and dragged me off.)

(It really feels like Monodam just wants to have friends, though he's also really clingy.)

(I wonder if there's even much more to it than that.)

 

_You obtained a Friendship Fragment from somehow getting closer to Monodam!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F is for Friends who murder together  
> U is for Undeserved death  
> N is for never will forget Akamatsu  
> Down here in the academy


	9. Monophanie - Event #2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was just about to post this yesterday until I lost everything I wrote, and then I had to try rewrite it all. This event is probably a little sloppily done because of that.

**Monophanie – Event #2**

Monophanie: Wow, you bastard! You and Kaito have done really good at keeping the peace!

Shuichi Saihara: ‘Keeping the peace’? Isn’t that a bit dramatic?

(And why does Kaito get called by name?)

Monophanie: But it’s true! And I’ll support you all the way!

You stopping as much blood and gore as you can is great!

Shuichi: Uh, speaking of which…

You’re a robot, right? How do you even puke?

And how do you even keep all of that liquid… in you?!

Monophanie: Bastard, you always ask the silliest questions!

I just do! It’s who I am! I was born to puke!

Shuichi: I... see then.

Also, out of curiosity, why do you dislike blood and gore so much?

Monophanie: I just do! You haven’t heard of people who don’t like certain things out of instinct?

And don’t say I shouldn’t be like that because I’m a robot!

Shuichi: (Well, I wouldn’t call it an invalid question.)

(Even if Keebo would take offence if I asked him.)

Monophanie: My puke is often a sign of good luck anyway!

And I can only watch you suffer because if I do daddy isn’t disappointed in me,

and if I do I can keep taking care of Monotaro!

Shuichi: Monotaro? Do you care about him specifically?

Monophanie: Of course! He is the love of my life that I need to take care of when he gets forgetful!

Shuichi: …

(Well, I did not think two Kubs would think about eachother in such a way.)

>You don’t care that you’re supposedly siblings?

>How forgetful does he get?

Does he know?

\---

>You don’t care that you’re supposedly siblings?

Shuichi: Wait, you don’t care that you’re brother and sister at all?

Monophanie: You silly bastard! At least 4 other of your classmates don’t care either!

Shuichi: W-What is that supposed to mean?!

(I’d rather not think about this. More imporatantly, I’d rather not know who those four classmates are!)

Monophanie: I won’t say which ones of the 4 are dead, either!

Shuichi: (I never wanted to know this.)

\---

>How forgetful does he get?

Shuichi: If you don’t mind me asking, how bad can this forgetfulness get, exactly?

Monophanie: Well, sometimes it’s something harmless like a thing he should’ve gotten while shopping, or my name…

Shuichi: (Should I even comment on the latter in my head?)

Monophanie: But other times it’s really bad, where he forgets who he even is, or the fact that he has ninja stars in his hands!

Sometimes he just cuts his brothers’ faces by accident!

Shuichi: Monotaro seems like a bit of a handful, then.

(I’m not sure whether or not I should laugh at how silly it is.)

(It would be the first time I actually laugh at the Monokubs.)

\---

Does he know?

Shuichi: So, does Monotaro know this at all?

Monphanie: No! And don’t tell him either!

I’m waiting for the moment he makes the first move! I know he has the same feelings but won’t say!

Shuichi: Are you sure about that?

Monophanie: I’m a woman, I know these things!

Shuichi: (I think you’re just too afraid to ask yourself.)

\---

Monophanie: Now just make sure this isn’t heard outside this room!

Shuichi: Yes, that should be fine.

Oh, and before I forget – how long have you had these feelings?

Monophanie: About as long as I can remember, maybe from the day I was born!

Shuichi: The day you were born, huh?

Monophanie: Ah, it’s like we were destined to be together!

Shuichi: (The day she was born? These Monokubs are really not like Keebo; all their features were designed from the beginning.)

(I feel that I’m actually able to understand Monophanie more, now.)

 

_You obtained a Friendship fragment from somehow getting closer to Monophanie!_


	10. Monotaro - Event #2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi starts to feel as uncomfortable as he does when Miu is around.

**Monotaro – Event #2**

Monotaro: Oh, I remember you, you’re Sasha!

Shuichi: W-What?! No!

Monotaro: Samuel? Sandy?

Shuichi: None of those are even Japanese names!

Monotaro: Gimmie a sec, I’ll get it!

Hmm… Oh, I know!

You’re Kaede Akamatsu, right?

Shuichi: How did you even get that answer?!

Monotaro: Hey hey hey, don't rush me, I got it! Now lemme see here.

Pretty face, blue hair, looks like he would have a bunch of parodies starring him getting fucked…

Shuichi: EXCUSE ME?!

Monotaro: Ah, you’re Shuichi Saihara! Nice to meet ya!

Shuichi: I went out of my way to talk to you before!

Monotaro: Oh yeah! We were talking about...

What were we talking about?

Shuichi: …I don’t think we even really talked about anything since you were so forgetful.

Monotaro: Wow! I didn’t think I was that bad!

Oh, Sadichi! You gotta help! I wanna be cool and fuckable like you!

Shuichi: I’ll do whatever you want if you stop treating me like a sex object!

Monotaro: Since when was I treating you like an object?

Shuichi: Anyway, I’m not sure how I can help with how forgetful you are. Did it… start at any point?

Monotaro: I donno. I forgot when it started.

Shuichi: (Should I have expected otherwise?)

Monotaro: Though I think the others said I was like this when they met ‘em. And I can’t remember a life without them!

Shuichi:  Well, sorry, but I’m not sure how I can help you with this.

You seemed to have had this as long as you can remember.

Monotaro: Well if that was true, it wouldn’t be that long!

Shuichi: R-Right. But I really wouldn’t be able to help you.

Monotaro: Really? Your pretty face makes me think you’d be a therapist that could really connect to little kids.

Shuichi: No. I’m a detective.

(And besides, if my talent was based off how I look to people…) 

>Wouldn’t the member of a boy band be more fitting?

>I feel like I’d just be a regular boy with how I see myself.

>What part of your mind suggests I’m so lewd?!

\---

>Wouldn’t the member of a boy band be more fitting?

Shuichi: If I’m supposed to be pretty, wouldn’t you suggest a boy band member or something?

Monotaro: Maybe! I could see you sing a yaoi anime OP, or some pop tune nobody’s gonna listen to in a month!

Shuichi: (I’m not sure which is worse.)

Monotaro: Though you don’t really have that boy band kind of voice.

Shuichi: I’m very much okay with that, thanks.

Monotaro: Okay, good! What is a boy band anyway? I wouldn’t want a band that plays boys as instruments!

\---

>I feel like I’d just be a regular boy with how I see myself.

Shuichi: When I look at myself in the mirror, I just see a normal boy.

Monotaro: Oh, come on! Don’t your friends all tell you you should be the detective you are?

Shuichi: I-I wasn’t even really talking about that…

Monotaro: You’re a great person, and nobody else will tell you otherwise!

Shuichi: Okay, I don’t need-

Monotaro: You’re just lovely and sweet, like nice candies! You gotta realise how lovable you are!

Shuichi: …

(As much as I don’t want to admit it, a Monokub made me blush.)

\---

>What part of your mind suggests I’m so lewd?!

Shuichi: Okay, we need to make something clear. Why am I treated as so… sexual to you?!

It’s not even the way Miu does it!

Monotaro: Well, y’know, I kinda said all the reasons!

Your face, your butt, the fact that everything you say is just precious…

Shuichi: I don’t really know what to say to all of this.

Monotaro: You must stay true to your feelings! Just accept my proposal of marriage!

Shuichi: (Ugh! I didn’t think his forgetfulness would get so old so quickly!)

\---

Shuichi: L-Look, can you please just stop calling me things like that?! I simply don’t like it.

Monotaro: Oh, it’s making you uncomfortable? Why didn’t you just say so!?

And yes, I suppose all of the other signs made it clear I embarrassed you, but I’ll remember to make you feel not as much not comfort!

…

Okay, I probably won’t. I wish I could just remember things better! Then I wouldn’t make it bad for everyone…

Shuichi: (Now I can’t tell how bad he feels.)

(Though, I kinda feel bad in how he always forgets things, for what feels like comedic effect.)

(But why would that happen? Designed to be ‘funny’?)

Shuichi: Monotaro, do you being forgetful ever result in anything… tragic? Or in general something concerning at all really?

Monotaro: No, not really! I’m pretty sure if it did I would actually remember it!

Shuichi: (What exactly is Monotaro supposed to be? I feel like I’m onto something.)

(Nevertheless, I feel like I’m close to understanding Monotaro.)

Monotaro: Well, this was fun! See you next time, only moderately okay looking bastard!

_You obtained a Friendship Fragment by somehow getting closer to Monotaro!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Monokubs were basically made for that one killing game, and to entertain people right? There's no real world for them outside of the academy, which is why they blew up one by one in the final chapter, despite begging for their lives.
> 
> The way they don't have any world outside of the academy because they're just fictional danganronpa characters; you could say that isn't too different from how the main 16 students are treated.


	11. Monokid - Event #3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an Event that goes more into 'headcanon' territory, instead of just expanding on an already existing idea.

**Monokid – Event #3**

Monokid: Congrats fuckboy, you’re invited to have some motherfuckin’ drinks with me!

Shuichi Saihara: Huh, drinks? You mean stuff like-

Monokid: HELL YEAH, the good stuff! The things that make you just feel like you’re on top of the fucking world!

Shuichi: I’m sorry, but I doubt I could legally-

Monokid: Aw COME ON, you tellin’ me you’ve never drunk honey before?

Shuichi: H-Honey?

(I then remembered some time announcements where Monokid was ‘drunk’ on honey.)

(I must have forgotten due to being so desensitised to their shenanigans so quickly.)

Well, no, I haven’t really eaten just honey.

And, I would rather not, thanks.

Monokid: Well we gotta have a good time together, man!

So we’re gonna drink something together!

Waddya want? I got plenty in the bar!

Shuichi: I didn’t know you had a bar…

(Well, if I’m going to have a drink, then…)

>Would you be able to make tea?

>Mind if you get me some coffee, I guess?

>…I’ll just have orange juice.

\---

>Would you be able to make tea?

Shuichi: Would you be able to get me tea, if that’s fine?

Monokid: Totally! What kinda king bear do you think wouldn’t make some hella good tea?!

Shuichi: Are you, uh, sure?

Monokid: I’M FUCKIN’ SERIOUS, FUCKBOY!

I’M GONNA MAKE SOME TEA, AND YOU’RE GONNA MOTHERFUCKIN’ LIKE IT!

Shuichi: Okay, okay!

\---

>Mind if you get me some coffee, I guess?

Shuichi: I suppose I wouldn’t mind some coffee?

Monokid: What type you want?

Actually, fuck that, I’m gonna make it for you!

If you want cream, too fuckin’ bad!

Shuichi: Oh… okay.

Monokid: Everything else will be a mystery!

Don’t worry, I ain’t gonna try kill ya or make ya sick! I can’t commit murders, that’d defeat the fuckin’ point!

Shuichi: Oh, thanks.

(I know I’m not going to die, at least. That’s good.)

\---

>…I’ll just have orange juice.

Shuichi: Would something like… orange juice be fine?

I’m fine with a healthy cold drink right now.

Monokid: Pah! Pansy! Makin’ a juice out of orange is as easy as making orange juice!

Shuichi: Which is… easy, right?

Monokid: Actually pretty difficult! It’s as hard as turning orange into juice!

Shuichi: Well, as long as you can do it-

Monokid: Yeah, I can make orange juice! It’s like, uh…

Making apple juice?

\---

Monokid: HELL YEAH, now we’re gonna have a good time tonight!

I’ll reserve the dining hall for ya!

But it ain’t a date though! It’s a bro drink-off!

Shuichi: Uh, sure, if you want to put it that way…

(We then did what was proposed, as me and Monokid had the dining hall to ourselves…)

Monokid: Ugh… I think I’m gonna…do somethin’… hell yeah…

Shuichi: (It had been only 20 minutes until Monokid has completely slurped up all of the honey in a pot he had.)

(I pretty much just watched as I hardly drinked my own concoction and simply watched Monokid.)

(The fact that a small robot was able to consume so much of that substance utterly dumbfounded me.)

(Is he powered by honey?)

Shuichi: So, Monokid, did you enjoy your honey…?

Monokid: Yeah man… good shit like always!

And how’s mah, uh, masterpiece I made for ya? Good shit, uh, right?

Shuichi: (I hadn’t really drunk much of what I had, when thinking about it.)

(I decided to take a sip of it again. It wasn’t bad at all, though not great.)

Yeah, it’s not bad.

Monokid: NOT BAD????????

Damnit, I gotta be better than that shit! I need to be the cocktail guy!

Shuichi: Cocktail guy?

Monokid: Well the other shitty kubs like ‘cooking’ shit, while I know the best way to be a recognised fuck…

Is to make COCKTAILS!

Shuichi: R-Really? I didn’t think you had such ambitions…

Monokid: I gotta compete with the other cubs, MAN! While they cookin’ their pansy shit, I gotta make the good stuff!

Brew it! Crock it up for them mature folks!

Shuichi: Though nobody like that is even in this building…

Monokid: YOU’LL SEE! They’ll love me!

Shuichi: Are you sure you’ll even get out?

Monokid: I’ll be the best barryista all over!

HELL YEAH! YEAH MEH! HELL BETSY!

Shuichi: (Monokid kept rambling into incoherent nonsense after that.)

(As well as finding another thing about Monokid I wouldn’t think of before,)

(I actually feel like I enjoyed being around him, in a way I couldn’t really with anyone else.)

(After a while, after he stopped even noticing my presence, I left him alone so he could sleep.)

(Unfortunate that we may have to deal with a sleeping Monokid tomorrow’s breakfast, though.)

 

_Obtained Friendship Fragment!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea that Monokid would be into cocktails is based off the 'Monokub Kitchen' annoucement in chapter 2 (which is hilarious by the way), and that Monokid would want stand out from everyone else, due to being so arrogant.
> 
> And that 'Monokub Kitchen' will also be the inspirtation for the next event.


	12. Monosuke - Event #3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An event made from a writer who has no idea how often Japanese people eat pizza, and can't bother to look up easy to make and variable Japanese food recipes. This whole event is basically if the English dub voice for him was the actual canon.  
> Oh well.

**Monosuke – Event #3**

Monosuke: Hey, Mista Dective. Good to see ya here.

Now you’re invited to help me make somethin’ nice!

Get in here to the kitchen wit’ me!

Shuichi Saihara: H-huh?!

(Whether or not he was going to do a ‘bit’ with me, I was forced to tag along to the dining hall’s kitchen.)

Monosuke: Now, Mista Dective, you’re in luck!

You’re gonna make a motherfuckin’ PIZZA wit’ me!

Shuichi: A… pizza? It’s been a while since I’ve had that.

I suppose it would be nice to.

Monosuke: Oh hey, your taste still shines through!

Now, making this art is gonna take perseverance and sweat! Though mostly some hard-earned sweat.

And washing ya hands first.

Shuichi: Oh, right.

Monosuke: Now, to make a motherfuckin’ pizza, you gotta know how to make a motherfuckin’ pizza.

That dough’s gotta be just right, right?! Also you need just a whole bunch o’ it.

Shuichi: (He pulled out a gigantic bag of flour, and huge block of butter.)

Monosuke: And the tomato and cheez?! Give it all you got!

Shuichi: (He pulled out a huge block of cheese, and what looks like 20 tomatoes.)

Monosuke: Now let’s get to makin’! How much do you know about kneadin’ dough, Dective?

Shuichi: I wouldn’t be able to do this by myself, honestly…

Monosuke: No problem, no problem, we’ll get to this step by step! I totally know what I’m doin’!

Didn’t you see that episode of Monokubs Kitchen?

Shuichi: Well, that dish did look well made…

(Though I didn’t really want to ever eat it.)

Monosuke: Now, we’ll get started after you wash your stinkin’ greasy hands!

Shuichi: (And so, I was forced to help create this food against my will.)

(Although it wasn’t completely unenjoyable, apart from any of the complaining about my apparent incompetence sent my way.)

Monosuke: Heheh! Look at this beut’!

Shuichi: (After I felt like a mad scientist concocting a potion, or, Miu…)

(We have created what looks like… a really nice pizza.)

(It’s overbearingly large.)

Monosuke: Yeah, over-bear-ingly large, ‘innit?

Shuichi: Yeah. Do you expect this to be all eaten?

Monosuke: I made these for the kubs, of course! Though you’re gettin’ a good share of up to half of it if ya want!

Shuichi: (That’s actually quite generous considering the proportions.)

Monosuke: Anyway, we gotta decide on some final toppings now that we got the saus n’ cheez. You got any in mind?

>I think it’s fine already.

>Some mushrooms and bacon? I’ve heard that’s decent.

>Um… pineapple?

\---

>I think it’s fine already.

Shuichi: Maybe we’re fine as is? There’s nothing wrong with it being simple, right?

Monosuke: Yeah, yeah, you gotta point ‘dere! Food is food, it don’t need to be art.

Shuichi: Are toppings considered art to people?

Monosuke: I bet there’s some pretentious baloney that thinks so.

Shuichi: (Like yourself, who said it was art earlier?)

\---

>Some mushrooms and bacon? I’ve heard that’s decent.

Shuichi: I remember hearing mushrooms and bacon might work well?

I can’t remember where I heard that though. That may have just been from a dream.

Monosuke: Now that’s interestin’! That’s a Monokub-style combination ya got there!

I’ll see Pops can get us som’ o’ ‘dat good meaty stuff.

\---

>Um… pineapple?

Shuichi: It may be weird, but maybe we could have pineap-OW!

(As soon as he knew what I was slaying, he slaps my leg.)

Monosuke: Now look here, bozo! You think you can put fucking PINEAPPLE ON THAT SHIT?!

You’re insane, Dective! Completely insane thinkin’ you have!

I love it! Making things only a few people will like is what I live for!

Shuichi: (Then why did you slap my leg again?)

\---

Monosuke: Alright, now that that’s decided, we’re puttin’ this thing to cook!

Shuichi: (I’m kind of looking forward to seeing the result.)

(And quite some minutes later, I got to see it.)

Monosuke: Alright, it’s done! Now just let me get this thing out o’ da’ ovan.

Shuichi: (He did just that, and had the pizza taken out and put on the table of the dining hall.)

(It looks… pretty good.)

Monosuke: Well, Dective? Is it great or great?

Shuichi: Yeah, it looks great. I didn’t think you’d be so passionate about this.

Monosuke: This is just piss easy kind of stuff so you could join in!

Shuichi: Well, I’m glad you were able to count me in on this, and I wasn't just acting as your Boke.

Monosuke: No problem, bud.

And hey, come on, you gotta eat some first before the sentimental crud!

Shuichi: Oh, right.

 

_You obtained a Friendship Fragment!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to make an FTE for him based off the Monokubs Kitchen announcement since the beginning, so, here it is. I can see Monosuke as a guy who wants to do some cookin'.


	13. Monodam - Event #3

**Monodam – Event #3**

Monodam: SHUICHI. WHY-ARE-ROBOTS-NOT-RULERS-OF-THE-WORLD-YET?

Shuichi Saihara: W-What?

Monodam: HUMANS-ARE-WEAKLINGS.

WHEN-THEY-ARE-BORN-THEY-ARE-BABIES-WHO-CANNOT-DO-ANYTHING.

WHEN-THEY-ARE-70-THEY-ARE-ELDERS-WHO-CANNOT-DO-ANYTHING.

Shuichi: Uh, do you forget that-

Monodam: HOWEVER-YOU-WILL-LIVE-FOREVER-AS-A-GREAT-BOY, SHUICHI.

YOU-WILL-JOIN-ME-ON-A-ROBOTIC-REVOLUTION.

Shuichi: Wait! Hold on, Monodam!

Monodam: WHAT?

Shuichi: I won’t do anything like that! You’re not my only friend! I’m friends with a bunch of others here!

Monodam: BUT-YOU-ARE-MY-BEST-FRIEND, RIGHT?

Shuichi: (Uh… I really don’t want to disappoint him, but…)

Well, I-

Monodam: I-KNEW-IT. YOU-ARE-NOT-MY-BEST-FRIEND.

Shuichi: Huh? Wait, Monodam-

Monodam: I-WILL-NOT-FORGIVE-THIS. PUNISHMENT-IS-INBOUND.

Shuichi: Monodam, please! Wait a second!

Monodam: …

Shuichi: Look, you don’t need to be so attached to a title like that.

My friends are everyone here. I don’t want a ‘best friend’ if it makes you like this.

Monodam: …

Shuichi: Um, Monodam?

Monodam: …

Shuichi: (I know what he wants me to do.)

(He wants me to apologise, and say I’m his best friend again.)

Monodam, please, I never even said you were my ‘best friend’ in the first place.

Monodam: …

Shuichi: Monodam…

(He wants me to apologise, but I can’t let that happen.)

(He can’t be so clingy to people.)

(If he wants everyone to get along, he needs to learn how properly get along with others.)

You can’t be like this.

Monodam: …

Shuichi: You can’t have everyone cater to you. You need to respect them.

For people to get along, they need to be nice to one-another. It can’t be one-sided as you want it to be.

Monodam: …

BUT-I-CANNOT-FORGIVE-BULLIES.

WHEN-I-WAS-A-FISH, I-WAS-BULLIED-FOR-VERY-SILLY-REASONS.

IT-WAS-CONSTANT. THIS-IS-WHY-I-CANNOT-FORGIVE-BULLYING!

Shuichi: I know, and I’m sorry for the people that bullied you.

(Apparently.)

But I’m not a bully, am I? I honestly do want to be your friend.

Monodam: …

Shuichi: You don’t punish friends to get along.

You forgive friends to get along.

Monodam: …

I-WISH-COULD-CRY-RIGHT-NOW.

Shuichi: H-huh?

Monodam: YOU-ARE-THE-FIRST-TO-MAKE-ME-SO-UPSET.

FRIENDS-CANNOT-FIGHT-LIKE-THIS.

STOP-THIS.

Shuichi: No. You stop, Monodam.

Monodam: …

Shuichi: You’re the one trying to fight.

I’m not sure what else to say, but...

I honestly want to get along with you. However, I want to make sure we do this right before it’s too late.

Monodam: …

…

…

Shuichi: Monodam? Are you okay?

Monodam: …

Shuichi: (I know I’m getting close! I have to think of one final thing!)

>I’m saying this because you deserve to know!

>I won’t hate you.

>I’ll keep trying to help you, and you can help me.

\---

>I’m saying this because you deserve to know!

Shuichi: Monodam, I’m saying this to you because you deserve to know.

I can tell you can be a good person and a good friend to many.

If you can, then I want to make sure you will.

Monodam: …

\---

>I won’t hate you.

Shuichi: Trust me, Monodam. I won’t hate you.

Monodam: …

Shuichi: I never hated you from the start. I wanted to talk to you because I thought I could get along with you.

(Well, more that I thought I could get information out of you, but…)

(I’m too dedicated to want to let go, now.)

\---

>I’ll keep trying to help you, and you can help me.

Shuichi: Remember, Monodam, me trying to help won’t stop here.

Monodam: …

Shuichi: I’ll keep helping you, and you can help me.

I’m sure there’re things you can do help me along the way as well, right?

Monodam: …

\---

Shuichi: Look, Monodam. You said you wanted to learn before, right?

Monodam: …

Shuichi: You can’t refuse to do so just because you don’t get your way.

If you do, you won’t be able to get along with anyone. Not even with your own siblings.

Monosuke: …

…

SO-LONG. BEAR-WELL.

Shuichi: (He… left.)

(I can only hope I’m not ‘punished’ for this, and that he listened at least a little.)

 

_You obtained a Friendship Fragment!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first event with some Drama™.  
> Monodam's flaws are absolutely hilarious, but when you're making free time events, Shuichi ain't gonna tolerate 'em.


	14. Monophanie - Event #3

**Monophanie – Event #3**

Monophanie: Ah, no-hat! I have a favour to ask of you!

Shuichi Saihara: Really? What do you need?

Monophanie: Well, you know the announcements? We may need a replacement sometime!

Shuichi: Huh, why?

Monophanie: Well sometimes we’re too tired, or just wanna go to bed already, or Monotaro forgets he was supposed to be on the sofa at that point…

So we want you to help!

Shuichi: I… suppose I can do it?

Can you show me where you film then?

Monophanie: No way, hosay!

Only when we need to!

What’s most important is making sure you say it well! Otherwise you look silly!

Shuichi: Well I mostly know it off by heart already, but what’s the process?

Monophanie: Well, you say our standard greetings and farewells above all else, first off.

Shuichi: Wouldn’t it be awkward for me to say it though? I’m not a bear…

Monophanie: No, no, it’s easy and fun! Try it!

Shuichi: Uh…

Rise and shine, ursine.

Monophanie: No, no no! Sound happy and energetic!

Shuichi: R-Rise and shine, ursine!

Monophanie: Say it loud! With a big smile!

Shuichi: Rise and shine, ursine!

(Monophanie claps in a small burst.)

Monophanie: Well done, very nice! Now, I assume you can do the same for the goodbye!

Shuichi: So long! Bear well!

Monophanie: Wowee, you’re amazing!

Shuichi: Did I really get that into it!?

Monophanie: Yes! You’re a natural!

Shuichi: Well, okay, what else would I need to do?

Monophanie: You’d probably need your own weird looking drink too!

Shuichi: Would that be necessary? Is it some sort of symbol of privilege? 

Monophanie: Of course! It’s all part of being a Monokub, temporary or not!

I’ll help you make it later with daddy’s help!

Shuichi: (I’d really rather not have the help of ‘daddy’.)

Monophanie: Also, your left side needs to be look deadly, and all around be colourful!

Shuichi: H-hey, wait! Do I have to embarrass myself that much to do a simple announcement?

Monophanie: Being a temporary Kub is a privilege! Everyone would be so proud!

Shuichi: Look, I’d really rather not, okay? I only agreed to saying when it’s 10pm and 8am in front of a camera.

Monophanie: What?! I thought you were more dedicated than that!

Shuichi: Well, I guess I’m not.

Monophanie: But you should still do something for us!

Shuichi: What else could I do then?

Monophanie: Well, we have a lot of jobs we have to take care of! More than you think!

Shuichi: (Really? Like…)

>Do you need to make sure the trials go well?

>Is the construction with the exisals hard?

>Are doing your… bits that difficult?

\---

>Do you need to make sure the trials go well?

Shuichi: Do you have some sort of underground job with trials?

Monophanie: It isn’t just Daddy that watches everything! We’re always watching!

Shuichi: R-Really? Always?

Monophanie: Except when we go to sleep, of course!

Shuichi: (Should I even ask why we sleep?)

Monophanie: We sleep ‘cause we can, you bastard!

Shuichi: Oh. Okay then.

\---

>Is the construction with the exisals hard?

Shuichi: You have to use the exisals a lot, right?

Is the construction of more of the academy’s facilities difficult?

Monophanie: Don’t think you can ride one of them yourself, you bastard!

Shuichi: Wh-no, I didn’t mean to imply that I was going to do that.

Monophanie: Well, it is pretty fun! Though no touching!

Shuichi: Of course not. I was just wondering if the construction was difficult.

Monophanie: No, not really.

\---

>Are doing your… bits that difficult?

Shuichi: Is it that difficult to do your ‘bits’?

Monophanie: Bits?

Shuichi: Well, y’know, when you pop up, say some things that are supposed to be funny, and then leave?

Monophanie: Oh, no, not really! It comes naturally for me to want to calm down my siblings!

Shuichi: Oh, I see. I thought some of them would be scripted.

(Maybe they are, and they don’t know?)

Monophanie: Excuse me, you bastard! Are Kubbiness is genuine!

\---

Monophanie: And anyway, you should still do something! It would be so nice of you!

Shuichi: Well… maybe I could clean your announcement room?

I assume it would get dirty every now and again?

Monophanie: That’s a wonderful idea! I’ll call you when I want you!

Thank you, you bastard!

Shuichi: Okay, why do you keep saying bastard at this point?

When are you going to call me by name?

Monophanie: N-N-Name?! I’ve never done that for a human before!

P-Please, that’s too embarrassing!

Shuichi: Right, never mind then…

 

_You obtained a Friendship Fragment!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where is the announcement room? Nobody knows. Like, I'm pretty sure we're never seen where it is at all. I know there's no real point in showing it, but still.


	15. Monotaro - Event #3

**Monotaro – Event #3**

Monotaro: Superman! You got to help me!

If you don’t, I’m doomed!

Super doomed!

Super doomed to death!

Super doomed to death of doom!

Shuichi Saihara: Huh? W-What happened?

Monotaro: Huh? What did happen?

Damnit, I was so panicked about what I was panicking about, I forgot!

Shuichi: (Do the other Monokubs really have to deal with this all the time?!)

Well, okay, but should we find out what made you panicked? It sounded kind of important.

(It wasn’t until then that I doubted my own word so much.)

Monotaro: Hm, now where was I before?

Oh yeah! I was standing right here!

Shuichi: …

Monotaro: I was being really calm when you approached me, and then I was happy when you gave me a random piece of junk.

And then I was all of a sudden in a huge panic!

Isn’t that weird? Did your present cause me to get panicky?

Shuichi: I doubt that, honestly. You’re just being forgetful again.

Monotaro: Aw…

How long can this go on?

How long can this go on?

Shuichi: Did you… mean to say that twice?

Monotaro: Did I?

Look, I donno, Sucky, it’s kind of a pain to talk with ya.

It’s just all about how I’m forgetting things! I think.

Aw, what do I do? What can a mascot like me do?

Haha, get it? It’s funny because I’m a bear!

Shuichi: No. No I don’t.

(But he does have a point. If he keeps forgetting everything, we won’t get anywhere.)

Monotaro: Oh, I know! Give me a whack on the head!

Shuichi: A whack? That would help…?

Monotaro: Yeah! Monophanie has done it lots of times!

Here, take this pot!

Shuichi: I think it’s a frying pan?

Monotaro: I donno, I think I was told a pot was a pan once, and then told it was a pot.

Shuichi: (Nevertheless, I took the frying pan.)

Okay, so you want me to whack this over your head?

Are you sure this will work and not get me punished, or kill you, or both?

Monotaro: Of course! You can’t rely on me remembering what my siblings say at the very least!

Shuichi: (I assume you meant to say I *can*?)

Well then, here’s goes nothing.

(After hesitating for a few seconds, I lifted my arms, and threw them down, whacking Monotaro on the head.)

_*WHAM!*_

(I slammed the pan right on top of him.)

Monotaro: Agh…

Shuichi: Monotaro? Did it work?

Monotaro: Oh… old man?

Shuichi: H-huh?

Monotaro: So how far are we from Cairo, again? We don’t have many days left until we can defeat Dio.

Shuichi: Y-You’ve completely changed!

(And with a much deeper impression of voice, too.)

Shuichi: Well, now what do I do?

Monotaro: Good Grief. Are you that unconfident in your abilities, old man?

Shuichi: Excuse me?

Monotaro: Give it another try. It can’t hurt, right?

Shuichi: Uh, are you sure?

Monotaro: Gramps! Now!

Shuichi: Okay, fine.

(With my might, I wacked him on the head again.)

_*WHAM!*_

Monotaro: …

Shuichi: Monotaro? Are you alright?

Monotaro: MEOW!

Shuichi: (Suddenly, he tried to scratch and grab me!)

OW! Monotaro, what are you doing!

Monotaro: Rah, RAHH!

Shuichi: (With Monotaro turning into a wild animal, I ran away as fast as I could.)

(He ended up catching up to me in a hallway.)

(Without having much time to think, I had to think of a way to fight back!)

(Huh? Somehow, a bunch of possibly dangerous objects were around me to use.)

(Were they a gift from another Monokub to help me? Let’s see what I can do.)

>Have him step on a mouse trap!

>Use a rake to slam his face!

>Smash a brick on him!

\---

>Have him step on a mouse trap!

Shuichi: (Maybe a simple foot injury would be enough?)

(I set up a mouse trap so that it would go directly under his foot.)

_*SNAP!*_

(As expected, he stepped right on it as he chased me.)

Monotaro: …

AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

Shuichi: (When his toe was stubbed, he paused, screamed obnoxiously loud, then jumped high in the air.)

\---

>Use a rake to slam his face!

Shuichi: (There were garden rakes I could set up; quite a few in fact.)

(I layed out several of the rakes in front of me, laying horizontally with the spiked part facing upward)

(Monotaro steps on the rake’s front, making the rake stand up, and have the handle hit his face.)

_*SLAM!*_

Monotaro: Argggh…

Shuichi: (He then stepped away, only to step on another rake’s front, causing the same effect.)

Monotaro: Argggh…

Shuichi: (This then happened several times.)

\---

>Smash a brick on him!

Shuichi: (I carried one of the bricks laid for me, and hid behind a corner)

(Monotaro approached said corner, and looked around.)

(As soon as he spotted me, I tapped the brick right on him.)

_*DONK!*_

Monotaro: …

Shuichi: (He said nothing as he stood like a statue for a second…)

(To then slowly tip over and fall on his belly, onto the ground.)

\---

Shuichi: (However, Monotaro quickly recovered and returned to his normal stance.)

Monotaro: Don’t worry, Pucci! I’m fine now!

Shuichi: Oh, good to see you back, Monotaro.

Monotaro: Even though we’re just back at square one again?

Will I always be destined to have such a fate, Pucci? Will you keep resetting the universe like this?

Shuichi: Um, I think your character is still is a bit weirded out…

Monotaro: But really?! Is there nothing we can do?

Wahhh!!! I don’t wanna forget anymore!

I’m so sad I can’t remember what I'm crying about!

Shuichi: (Huh, maybe he forgets when he’s really emotional?)

(No… probably not. His forgetfulness is too consistent.)

(He was definitely built to be like this.)

I’m… sorry, Monotaro. I wish I could help you.

Monotaro: Oh, it’s fine! I know you’re a useless bastard!

Though I guess in that case, anyone else would be, including Monophanie…

So, Monophanie is a bastard?

Oh no! Is Monokuma not our actual father, Gucci?!

Shuichi: …

(This is repeatedly becoming a problem.)

(Monotaro forgets everything as a way to say something silly.)

(I know he can’t help it, but it’s becoming really frustrating to deal with.)

(I need to think of some way to stop this if I want to continue hanging out with Monotaro.)

(Otherwise… This cannot progress.)

_Obtained Friendship Fragment!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel that if Kaede had her two FTEs with the Monokubs, they'd probably consist more of her trying to get information out of the Monokubs, but ultimately failing and not really learning much.
> 
> I also apologise if you cannot understand the events that transpire in the rake choice.


	16. Monokid - Event #4

**Monokid – Event #4**

 

Monokid: Fuckboy Shuichi! Good timing.

Shuichi Saihara: Oh? What do you need?

Monokid: Oh, I don’t need anythin’, but you gotta try this shit!

Shuichi: (He hands me another drink, which is strangely coloured purple.)

Shuichi: Oh… did you make this for me?

Monokid: Hell yeah, man! Come on, drink it!

Shuichi: Alright… sure.

(One may call me naïve for doing so, but I drank some of Monokid’s concoction without really thinking about it.)

Uh, urgh…

(Suddenly, I started to not feel very good.)

Monokid: W-Wut?! Wazzup?

Shuichi: M-Monokid…! What did you put in this?!

Monokid: …

OHHH SHIIIIIIIIT!

PAPA KUMA’S GONNA KILL ME!!!!!

Shuichi: H-Huh? I thought this was-

Monokid: I’LL HELP YA, BUDDY!

Shuichi: (Without much time to think, I was carried by Monokid, with him running as fast as I’ve seen him.)

(By the time I was able to relax, I was put on my bed.)

Monokid: Okay, fuckboy, no need to worry!

Shuichi: Wh-what? What happened?

Monokid: The drink I gave ya only gave you a bit of a headache probably. That’s what papa told me at least!

Shuichi: Wait, uh, this wasn’t a prank or anything?

Monokid: HELL NO! If I did that, papa would fuckin’ kill me!

I-really wanted to give you something tasty n’ shit!

Shuichi: R…really? I’m sorry for doubting you then.

(Though having what is an actual friendship with this bear is still quite surreal to me.)

Monokid: I’m uh, ssorr- too.

Shuichi: You’re what?

Monokid: I’m fuckin’ uhhhhhhhhh….

Sor, sory, sor-

I’M SORRY TOO, BROTHAH!

Shuichi: (It looks like the first time he’s had to do something close to apologising before…)

It’s fine Monokid, I know you didn’t mean to do any harm.

Monokid: O-Okay… is good to see you’re doin’ fuckin’ nice…

Shuichi: (Monokid sounded like he was about to cry in shame.)

(It’s the first time I’ve ever seen him really like that.)

Shuichi: We can forget about this. Though, I think I’ll stay here for a while.

The drink didn’t actually do much, but my head hurts a little still.

Monokid: Of course, buddy! We’ll talk later! I’ll bully Monodam until you get better!

I’ll be in a fully erect mood to talk with you again!

Shuichi: Ah! Monokid, wait a second.

Monokid: WHAT!?

Shuichi: Agh!

(I was caught off guard by his sudden shouting, then made sure to be composed again.)

Is it fine if you… stop bullying Monodam? I know he annoys you, but…

Monokid: HELL NO! Otherwise he’s gonna go into his ‘GET A LAWN’ shit again!

And then he’ll probably talk about politics and the ethics of running a casino!

Shuichi: (Wait, a second… that reminds me of another conversation we had much earlier.)

Monokid, hold on a second. Didn’t you say you bullied him since you were born?

Can you clarify what you mean by that?

Monokid: I’ve been fuckin’ with ‘im as long as I could remember!

I can’t even remember when I started!

The day I was born Monodam’s heart was sealed!

Shuichi: …Really now?

Monokid: Uh, shit… this is really making it droop.

Shuichi: But, the day you were born? Why would you be built to have an already established relationship like that?

Monokid: I-I don’t fuckin’ know, man! I’m just a member of the Monokumarz!

Shuichi: I thought it was ‘Monokubs’.

Monokid: SHIT! B-but, uh, yeah, this is weirdin’ me out.

I NEVER EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT IT BEFORE!

So why am I even doing it?!

Agh this is too much for my dick! I need to cum now!

We need grapes! NOW!

Shuichi: G-Grapes? I’m not sure if we even have any.

Monokid: AGGHHHH!

I can’t live without sum FRESH FROOT!

Otherwise I toot in the boot!

And then I’ll kick some butt in the fuckin’, uhhhhhh…

…

Shuichi: (Monokid just stayed with his tongue out.)

(Then left.)

Monokid, please! Hear me out!

(I tried to chase after him, despite my head hurting.)

(Maybe I should ask other Kubs to see where he would go?)

(I doubt Monotaro would be of much help, so…)

>Monphanie is the most reliable.

>Monosuke should know.

>Maybe… Monodam would help if it was for a student?

\---

>Monphanie is the most reliable.

Shuichi: Monophanie? Are you there?

(She appeared before me, as expected.)

Monophanie: Rise and shine, ursine!

What can I do for you, you bastard?

Shuichi: Monokid ran off from me saying he was going to get grapes.

Do you know where he usually goes to get them?

Monophanie: No.

Shuichi: No?

Monophanie: He just disappears and comes back with grapes!

Or at least I assume so. I’ve never even seen him have grapes before.

Shuichi: Oh… never mind then.

\---

>Monosuke should know.

Shuichi: Monosuke? Mind if I talk to you?

Monosuke: Rise n’ shine, ursine!

Shuichi: (He appeared before me, as expected.)

Oh, Monosuke, do you know where Monokid would be if he wanted to get grapes?

Monosuke: Really? He wanted grapes?

Shuichi: Yes, he did. What about it?

Monosuke: Look man, don’t pursue that shit.

When he needs the grape, you can’t disturb ‘im. It’s honey all over again.

Shuichi: Oh… never mind, then.

\---

>Maybe… Monodam would help if it was for a student?

Shuichi: Monodam? Can you hear me?

Monodam: …

Shuichi: (He appeared right before my eyes.)

Oh, Monodam, sorry to ask you this, but…

Monodam: …

Shuichi: Do you know where Monokid would be if-

…

(He already disappeared before my eyes.)

I’m not sure why I expected anything else…

\---

Shuichi: (Giving up, I returned to my room.)

…

Monokid: Rise and shine, ursine!

Shuichi: Agh, Monokid!

Monokid: Eh? You thought I’d just leave ya hanging like that!?

Shuichi: Oh, well, thank you for not doing that.

But I need to talk to you about Monodam.

Monokid: ARGGGHH! Shut up about ‘im!

I was born to kick the shit out of him!

Shuichi: But it’s doing more harm than any good that comes from pleasing your urges.

There has to be a way to make a better compromise to it all.

Monokid: RGGHHH! I ain’t afraid of no ghosts trying to diss me!

They got no shtoyle! No cluss!

I’m to flaccid… for…

Zzzzzz….

Shuichi: (And now he’s just snoring.)

(I suppose we can talk about this matter later. Monokid seems too… stressed right now.)

 

_You are surprisingly close to having your friendship deepen with Monokid!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm getting lazier with writing these but I gotta keep going until the end goddamnit


	17. Monosuke - Event #4

**Monosuke – Event #4**

Monosuke: Dective, talkin’ with you has been a breath o’ fresh air!

Shuichi Saihara: Huh, really?

Monosuke: Yeah man! Like I’ve said, we’re just a couple of goons hangin’ out together.

We’re no straight man, middle man, or whatevs!

I’m serious ‘ere when I say we’re good chums!

I’m not even sure why I want to correct everyone in everything when I can fuck around with you instead!

Shuichi: Wait… you don’t know?

Monosuke: Uh…

Well it’s instinct! Y’know it was my callin’!

Everyone’s got their destiny, I got mine! Ya know this!

Shuichi: Destiny? Even though you like it better when you’re not… following that?

Monosuke: Uhhh… hey, w-we can’t be fighting like this, y’know?

We’re friends, right? Buddy ol’ pals?

Fellow fans of good taste that know all the actual good sports teams?

Have all the money?  Count da money?

With da money, you can shop in town!

Shuichi: Wh-wha-

Monosuke: Go to the stores often to check out the new items!

Shuichi: Monosuke, what’s with these non-sequiturs? I know this isn’t like you.

(I think. The Monokubs are so unpredictable it could be like him to do that for all I know.)

Monosuke: Not like me?! Aw, come on man!

L-Look, can't we just smile and watch and comedy special together?!

Come on, I wanna relax today. You’re cool, and I’m cool. What else is there to know?

Shuichi: You’re avoiding everything I say.

You said you don’t know why you do the things you do?

(To me, I can already grasp what’s happening.)

(He’s a robot designed to be a comic. I don’t know why, but he is.)

(However, Monosuke himself is not aware. Or at the very least, not fully.)

(Is there any way I can get him to admit it?)

>You don’t have to be what Monokuma raises you to be.

>Do you not know what you want?

>There’s nothing wrong with being indecisive.

\---

>You don’t have to be what Monokuma raises you to be.

Shuichi: You don’t have to be what Monokuma wants you to be.

Monosuke: Eh, true.

I want us Monokubs to be creatures that drag ya all down to hell 'n all that.

But pops is always too much about being ‘cyoot.

Come on, do I fucking look cute to you?!

Shuichi: I-I suppose not, no.

Monosuke: Hey, you hesitated!

But shit, you may be onto something!

\---

>Do you not know what you want?

Shuichi: Do you… not know what you want?

Monosuke: Eh? Of course I know! I wanna make fun of others!

I wanna be a foulmouthed motherfucker! Pops is being a dumbass!

He doesn’t ever listen to my exisal marketing suggestions! He doesn’t even pretend to!

…

Fuck me, you may have an idea.

\---

>There’s nothing wrong with being indecisive.

Shuichi: Do you think there’s something wrong with not knowing what you want?

Because there isn’t. Trust me.

Monosuke: Eh? Where did that smartass language come from?

But I donno, even if there is nothin’ wrong, Pops probably wouldn’t be the approvin’ type.

Agh, whenever it comes to being rebellious, Pops always steps in and gives the licks.

Trust me, you would not want the licks, lemme tell ya.

Shuichi: I… doubt it. But do you see what I mean?

Monosuke: …Maybe.

\---

Monosuke: Okay, fine, I admit it! I wanna be a rebellious kub!

He treats me like shit! Can’t respect how bloodthirsty I am!

Agh, I just wanna slap his ass to submission sometimes!

Shuichi: So, Monosuke, do you get it now?

Part of what makes you is… supposedly already determined. But you don’t have to act like that.

Monosuke: Yeah, YEAH! Fuck pops!

Damnit, Monodam was more right than I thought!

He kept talkin’ about wanting to take over the game!

I shoulda listened! I gotta rebel!

Fathers like him won’t let me live independently unless I stop him now!

Alright, Shuweech, I’ll have to talk to ya later!

Shuichi: Huh? Already?

Monosuke: To be the man of blood I am, I gotta rebel against Pops and his tongue!

I can even cooperate with Monokid for once in mah life!

And when we get out, I can be free!

I don’t even know what we’re gonna do out there, but we’ll be rich somehow!

And of course I don’t know. I can’t be all about the future like you!

Shuichi: (He made a mad dash disappearance.)

(I didn’t think the Monokubs had such potential to learn the truth about themselves.)

(But if he’s part of who we need to defeat, we may still have to face eachother.)

(Even if he doesn’t seem to be more than a construction bot.)

 

_You are surprisingly close to having your friendship deepen with Monosuke!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic ain't dead  
> Fuck the patriots


	18. Monodam - Event #4

**Monodam – Event #4**

Monodam: …

I-NOW-UNDERSTAND, SHUICHI.

WHEN-FRIENDS-DO-SOMETHING-YOU-CANNOT-FORGIVE…

YOU-BREAK-UP-WITH-THEM.

AND-BY-THAT-I-MEAN-BREAKING-THEM-APART.

Shuichi Saihara: W-What?! Monodam, NO, PLEASE-

Monodam: HAH. HAH. HAH.

I-WAS-MERELY-DOING-A-JOKE.

A-JOKE-FROM-A-BEST-FRIEND.

Shuichi: O-Oh? You’re not mad?

Monodam: AT-FIRST… I-WAS.

FILLED-WITH-AN-EXTREME-UNFORGIVENESS.

BUT-THEN-IT-IS-WHEN-I-REALISED-SOMETHING. I-WAS-WRONG.

Shuichi: Really?

Monodam: WHEN-FRIENDS-ARE-WRONG, YOU-SAY-WHY-THEY’RE-WRONG.

PUNISHMENT… IT-IS-LIKE-THE-WAYS-OF-FATHER.

I-CANNOT-FORGIVE-THAT. I-CANNOT-FORGIVE-MYSELF.

I-SAID-I-WANTED-TO-LEARN-ALL-THAT-TIME-AGO.

YET-I-ANTAGONISED-YOU-WHEN-YOU-WANTED-TO-ADVISE-ME.

SO-I-NOW-UNDERSTAND.

FRIENDS-FORGIVE-EACHOTHER-FOR-MISTAKES… WITHOUT-PUNISHMENT.

AND-THEY-TEACH-EACHOTHER-IN-FRIENDLY-WAYS.

YOU-HAVE-SHOWN-ME-ALL-OF-THIS-BY-DOING-IT-YOURSELF.

SO-SHUICHI… I-AM-SORRY.

Shuichi: I…

Thank you, Monodam.

I feel like we can really be friends now.

Monodam: …WERE-WE-NOT-BEFORE?

Shuichi: What? No, of course we were!

(I’m just glad you realise having friends doesn’t mean they’re a wild animal you have to tame.)

But now there’s nothing for either of us to worry about, right?

Monodam: …

RIGHT.

Shuichi: (I’m also surprised I was able to really feel a bond with someone like this. It was the robot that said this was a killing game.)

(Though there’s also something else that still bugs me…)

Monodam, earlier…

Did you say that you were a fish in your past life?

Monodam: YES. IT-IS-WHY-I-COULD-NOT-FORGIVE-BULLYING, AS-I-WAS-BULLIED-FOR-BEING-A-FISH.

PREJUDICE-IS-A-SIN-THAT-CAN-BE-DONE-BY-ANY.

LIKE-K1-B0. HE-IS-AN-ELITIST-ROBOPHOBE-WHO-DISCRIMINATES-ME.

Shuichi: Well, Monodam…

Monodam: WHAT?

Shuichi: The thing is, everyone but me sees you as their… rightful enemy.

Monodam: …

Shuichi: I know that you kubs are kinda just kids doing what you’re told, but nobody else is going to think that.

Monodam: THEN-HOW-DO-WE-CONVINCE-THE-PUBLIC?

Shuichi: Well, I would say by ‘not working with Monokuma’, but, I assume that’s what you were made for.

Monodam: MADE?

Shuichi: Huh?

Monodam: WERE-WE-NOT-BORN?

I-THOUGHT-MY-FATHER-WAS… MY-FATHER.

Shuichi: (As soon as I thought I wouldn’t be in Monodam’s sensitive territory anymore, I stumbled right into it again.)

(It’s probably not the best idea to go further, but…)

Did you not know? Robots aren’t born, they’re created by someone.

Monodam: WHAAAAAAT?

WHY-DID-HE-BUILD-ME, BUT-BIRTH-EVERYONE-ELSE?

Shuichi: (I want to ask how he thinks Monokuma ‘birthed’ his siblings, but that isn’t important right now.)

Monodam, all of the Monokubs are robots, right? I would think they’d have to be.

Monodam: WHAAAAAAT?

Shuichi: And… the same can be said to your dad.

Monodam: DOES-NOT-COMPUTE. DOES-NOT-COMPUTE.

WHY-DO-I-REMEMBER-BEING-BORN-WHEN-I-MAY-NOT-HAVE-BEEN?

WHY-WAS-I-EVEN-BULLIED-BY-MONOKID?

I-THOUGHT-I-WAS-BEING-BULLIED-BECAUSE-I-WAS-A-ROBOT!

Shuichi: (I think I just made Monodam have an existential crisis…)

(I really should calm him down before it gets worse.)

>Please, calm down for a second!

>Wait, is it really that bad of a thing?

>Does that actually change much?

\---

>Please, calm down for a second!

Shuichi: Monodam, please, calm down a second!

Monodam: …

OKAY. I-AM-CALM. NOW-WHAT?

Shuichi: Just think about it.

\---

>Wait, is it really that bad of a thing?

Shuichi: Well, Monodam, is it really that bad?

Monodam: …

HM.

IF-YOU-SAY-IT-ISN’T-AS-BAD, MAYBE-IT-ISN’T.

LET-ME-THINK-ABOUT-THIS.

\---

>Does that actually change much?

Shuichi: Well, does it really change things, Monodam?

Monodam: …

WHY-DOES-IT-NOT?

Shuichi: I mean, you were always the person you were before all this, right?

Monodam: …

LET ME TRY TO THINK OF THAT IS THE TRUTH.

\---

Monodam: OKAY, I-HAVE-THOUGHT-ABOUT-IT.

Shuichi: Huh, already?

Monodam: YES. IT-IS-FINE. I-WAS-ALWAYS-A-ROBOT-ANYWAY. THE-OTHERS-SIMPLY-DO-NOT-KNOW.

AS-THE-KIND-FRIEND-I-AM, I-WILL-MAKE-SURE-THEY-WON’T-KNOW-THE-HORRIBLE-TRUTH.

Shuichi: Huh? What’s so bad about being a robot?

Monodam: THERE-ISN’T, BUT-I-DON’T-THINK-THEY-COULD-TAKE-IT.

EVEN-IF-IT-MEANS-MONOKID-STILL-BULLIES-ME.

I-CANNOT-STAND-THEM, BUT-I-UNDERSTAND-NOW.

WE-ARE-ALL-FAMILY.

Shuichi: I’m glad you realise that, even with any of the bullying.

Monodam: YES. WE-MUST-NOW-CONVINCE-EVERYONE-TO-BE-FRIENDS.

WITH-GENUINE-KINDNESS.

Shuichi: Er, sure, why not?

(Monodam is someone very unique. While he was hard to understand at first, I’m glad I now do.)

(As well as being able to cooperate and befriend him.)

(He’s able to be much more than what was probably expected of him.)

 

_You are surprisingly close to having your friendship deepen with Monodam!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fic never dead


End file.
